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"Lights going out and a kick in the balls, that's entertainment." - Paul Weller It's that time of year again, boys and girls - time for your illustrious Editor here at Sailing Anarchy to praise the good guys and bury the chumps for 2002 with our 2nd annual SA Awards. Last year I took great pleasure lambasting a few schmucks who well and truly had it coming. This year, no such agenda, but if in my estimation you have it coming, then you're gonna get it. That's just the way we roll here. As always, enjoy. - The Ed | Designer | Sailmaker | Sailor | Sport Boat | Race Boat | Racer Cruiser | Builder | Chump |
It
is indeed very crowded at the pointy end of this field. While there are
the usual suspects at or near the top of the food chain, just a few really
distinguished themselves in 2002. In fact, a few have tripped on their
own dicks along the way. As such, we are stepping out of our normal realm
and handing this award to Frenchman Marc Lombard. As much as it pains
us to acknowledge the French in a positive way, Lombard is a very talented
designer. He hasn't designed anything that Joe 12-pack knows much about,
but in the world of fast multi's and monos, he has done superb work. He
is very diverse, designing the fast Open 60 tri Banque Populaire, one
of three to finish the RDR race; has done the Open monos Sill, Whirlpool/Tiscali;
the Mini 6.5 prototypes and production class; and his 32 ft Beneteau Figaro
boat already has around 60 orders. He's operating in areas that most of
us can't even comprehend.
2nd Honorable mention: This guy most assuredly would have fallen to the negative side of the ledger if his AC boats hadn't come on strong, late. I'm speaking of Bruce Farr. Oracle is in the LVC Finals, but it wasn't easy. Showing quite vulnerable early on, they tweaked it and the boat now appears very quick. Quick enough to beat Alinghi, however, remains to be seen. Either way, without Chris Dickson, they'd be home by now and we'd never know. But although 2002 couldn't be considered a banner year for them, we do know that the Farr design office remains as formidable a team as there is on the planet. Capable of putting out the best in any arena, their legacy will be complete should they get what few have done: win the America's Cup. Also worth watching in 2003: Mark Mills and Brett Bakewell-White, both who have done nice work this year, and promise to turn out some good stuff in the future. SA's Worst Designer: It would be all too easy to just repeat last year's winner, Leif Beiley. Truly a dickhead of major proportions, he has been rendered so inconsequential that he doesn't warrant a mention beyond what I've given him, and even that may be too much. This year the winner, er, loser is Juan Kouyoumdjian, whose office is known as Juan Yacht Design. Nice name - when I looked up businesses with the name Juan, all I got were taco shops. By a number of accounts, he was one of the biggest jerks of the Prada design team to deal with. He has come up with some real unsuccessful ideas - who can forget the 1999 unstayed IMS 50' that was a complete disaster? His 115' for Frank Pong also has Big Problems stamped all over it. Innovation is one thing, bad ideas are something else. To choose this guy to design a boat over all the superb designers out there would be juan bad choice. Dishonorable mention: For the first time, someone has won both honorable and dishonorable mention. Conflicted? Perhaps, but after all, they are our awards to hand out, aren't they? Reichel-Pugh are guys that we like and really think did great work drawing boats like Z5, Shockwave and Wild Oats as mentioned above, but jesus, that AC thing really bit them in the ass again, didn't it? It's one thing to have a boat as obviously off the pace as USA 66 was, but then to have the next one, USA 77 break and sink, it is well deserving of dishonorable mention. Plus 77 wasn't nearly good enough to hang with the big boys when the heat was turned up. The truth is that they didn't have the money to work with that the bigger teams had, but this AC can be considered nothing but a huge disappointment for R/P. I think they'd better get out from that Bad Juju of DC. The stink is wearing off on them.
Honorable mention: North. The 3DL product continues to impress. The Volvo proved how fast and durable they can be, and the America's Cup says about all that needs to be said about sails at the top level of the game, doesn't it? Their heavy-handed tactics in both of these events does detract, though. North denies it, but it was known that if a syndicate wanted to, for example, buy spinnakers from someone else, the pressure was applied in the form of then telling the team it was all North or no North. Of course no team wanted to be sliced out of the 3DL pie, so they all went all North. This kind of action is indicative that the long-held paranoia that runs within the evil empire still exists. While they have continued to dominate some prominent classes (Farr 40, IMS), they can, and do, get beat often at the local level. Simply putting 3DL sails on your boat guarantees nothing, other than you have some very nice looking sails. There are a lot of excellent smaller lofts, like Doyle, Ullman, Halsey, E/P, etc. that make really nice sails and do something North has never quite mastered: giving good service to Joe 6 Pack. SA's Worst Sailmaker: It is just too easy to give it to Sobstad, besides I think you have to actually make and deliver sails to count as a sailmaker. I don't think Peter Conrad makes sails anymore; he just counts the North money he sold out for. No, this year it goes to an organization that has nearly disappeared, at least from every racer's mind, and that is Hood Sailmakers. It seems like forever since they did anything of note or that even mattered on any scale whatsoever. I suppose Tim Woodhouse keeps turning out fair sails from his Rhode Island loft, but oneWoodhouse does not an organization make. I think it all started to go very wrong with their blue sails. Prime Movers, indeed. Dishonorable mention: It finally dawned on me: while I'll admit that I've not seen many of them, every Banks sail that I have seen has looked awful. Now nearly as obsolete as Hood, they've done a masterful job of being close to the top, and then taking that long, slow, and no doubt painful fall to the bottom. Bummer. We know there are lots of other sucky little lofts out there - consider yourselves lucky that we don't know who you are.
We expect to get lambasted for this, but as if you didn't know, we don't really care. Oh there are plenty to choose from: Ben Ainslie, Ellen MacArthur, Mark Reynolds, etc. have all had fantastic accomplishments this year, and any of them would be deserving. But we're giving it to Chris Dickson. Perhaps "Best" isn't the appropriate term for him. "Biggest impact" might be better. In the AC, where the influence of just one guy is not often of great consequence, Dickson's late arrival at Oracle has been nothing short of incredible. He took a floundering program and got it pointed quickly, and decidedly in the right direction, like perhaps no one else could have. The fact that he is not out to win friends is just as obvious as his intense level of competitiveness and determination. Despite what you think of him personally, it's hard not to be impressed by what he brings to the table. Who would you chose to go to battle with?
2nd Honorable mention: Somewhat out of the limelight with the demise of the illbruck AC campaign (thanks, BMW), what John Kostecki accomplished in the VOR was nothing short of incredible. He mastered the world's oceans and the world's best ocean sailors. He started it in 2001 and won it in 2002. It will be fun to see what he does in 2003. SA's Worst Sailor: Like so many aging, over the hill, and way past their prime "athletes" (boy that's a fucking stretch here) who don't know when to hang 'em up, Dennis Conner gets the nod this year. His and NNYC's AC effort was so under performing as to be embarrassing. Isn't DC Mr. America's Cup? Make that was. Time has passed him by, and he seems to be the last one to notice. Looking sadly like a bloated and bloodshot Willie Mays playing left field when he should be home tending to his trophy wife, DC has further tarnished his fading glory in 2002. Of course he's not the worst sailor out there, but his continued slide from the top renders him our choice. Dishonorable mention: The Nebraska college football team traditionally looks good through most of the season, compiling a 10-0 record while beating the likes of Alcorn State and Kansas, 40-0. But when Oklahoma comes to town they fold and get beat 17-3. Peter Gilmour was Nebraska during the AC. He looked pretty good early on, but when the Big Boys finally showed up, he played poorly, making mistakes in the Repechage against Oracle that were beyond comprehension. An otherwise world-class sailor, Gilly proved that perhaps he should stick to playing Alcorn State.
Honorable mention: We're pissed. We saw drawings of the R/P Shockwave 36 and it had a monster sprit. Then we saw the boat and the sprit was gone and in its place was a conventional pole. Huh? That is very stupid and for us ruins what could be a great boat. Worst Sport Boat: Proving that any a-hole can put a sprit and a fat head main on a boat and call it a sport boat, some disaster called the Sportster 29 wins here. What is really great about this boat is that exactly none will be built. Dishonorable mention: The Ultimate 24. A plain and dated looking thing that offers very little new in terms of design, features, or speed. Nothing more, really, than the little brother with glasses and orthopedic shoes to the Antrim 27. It's got that crappy deck-mounted sprit that in itself makes the boat unappealing. I think Jim Antrim is a good guy, but no one will confuse him with John Riechel. Surely this boat could have much cooler and faster. They've only sold a few and it is destined to go exactly the way of the A27. We wonder how this thing can be called "the best" by anybody. Sailing World called it the best? Oh, well that explains it.
SA's Worst Race Boat: Ah, the French and their America's Cup effort. They can even fuck up a wet dream, can't they? Although managing not to capsize, break a rig, or have Marc Pajot back as skipper for the seemingly 17th consecutive time, they nonetheless were their typical awful selves. The boat was slow, they sailed marginally, they painted the fucking boat yellow, and had it all funded by a nuclear power company. Good times. Au Revoir, you bastards. Dishonorable mention: Any of the few IMS boats that still get built, sold and raced. Hey, it's over! I used to really like IMS boats until I understood just how artificially slow they are. They look fast, but are actually quite slow for their length. If you've sailed one, you know. Dump the rule and let's get on with designing fast, simple, and pure boats.
SA's Worst Racer Cruiser: If you are Swan, you cannot introduce a $1 million 45', then have 3 of the first 5 boats all lose their rudders, and have open questions about other build quality issues, and hope to be named best R/C of the year can you? Why yes you can if you are Sailing World! Truthfully we are sure that this is very nice boat. And although frankly it looks very boring inside, and the cockpit might be a bit small (what R/C's isn't), I'm sure it is fantastic in most areas. But jesus, just like naming DC SA's Worst Sailor, he or the Swan is really not the worst, but these icons get held to a higher standard, and when they fail so miserably in areas that they most certainly should not, they get called the worst. It's Sailing Anarchy, remember?
Honorable mention: DK Yachts, (Dian Kreatif), based in Melaka, Malaysia, are potentially the next super big boat builders. A 100,000 square foot air-conditioned plant, 5 axis milling machine, an 8 station IBM Catia CAD system, labor rates something stupid like $5 a day, and probably in excess of 300 staff. They are the only Mumm 30 builder now, and also build the Farr 40 and 52. They are currently building the 115' monstosity for Frank Pong: canting rotating wing rig with wings, water ballast, and canting keel from another planet. Perhaps the builder to watch for 2003. SA's Worst Builder: Dencho here on the West Coast. Choate is a surly a-hole, who has also proven to be a cheater on the water. He builds a cut corner product that seems to hold together; we're just not sure how. No doubt if the designers weren't there making sure he doesn't substitute Ferro Cement for Carbon, a Choate float would be a Choate sunk.
As always, there are plenty of clowns to pick from. But the biggest schmuck this time around has to be John Podmajersky, a Chicago-based Mumm 30 owner. Seems this douche decided to charter his boat to a crewmember for the Chicago to Mackinac race, but then decided to show up and do the race with the charterer. They won the race and Podmajersky, even though he was not the skipper of record, wanted his name on the trophy. Chicago Yacht Club rightly said no, and proving that he might be one of the biggest asses of all time, John Pod sued the YC and the charterer for $1 million bucks! What a prick!. Clearly his name has been misspelled, it should read Podmajerky. Dishonorable mention: Nothing says 'dick' like too much money which you married into, too much ego, and too much temper. In fact, nothing says it like Patrizio Bertelli, the moneybag behind yet another losing Prada AC challenge. This was a hell of a way to piss through $80 million with nothing but an ass kicking, bad feelings, lousy PR, and years' worth of embarrassment. Go back to ripping people off with your overpriced designer horseshit, and stay off the water. You give the sport a bad name.
Okay, I believe we have indeed covered some ground here. I hope that you all enjoyed this exercise, and of course I know that some will agree, some will not, some will love us and some will hate us. Either way, we will continue to forge ahead, doing things our way, and reminding those who don't like it to kiss our collective ass! Peace Out The Ed |
