The Ed Goes Stock Car Racing

Getting Ready

'll be the first to tell you that I am a major auto race geek. F-1, CART, NASCAR, IRL, Trans Am, I love it all. I'll watch a car race over a stick and ball game anytime. Yet for all the years I've spent watching it both live and on TV, I've never actually done it.

That all changed last Friday night. My real job is in radio, and one of our FM stations put together a "celebrity" race as part of a Race of Champions event at Cajon Speedway here in Dago. The Race of Champion race had NASCAR regulars Ken Schrader, Jimmy Spencer, Kenny Wallace and Dave Blaney, and the celebrity event featured a bunch of us on air "talent", some who had racing experience and some who didn't.

Mojo Nixon and The Ed

Ready to hit the track for the first time!

It's big and it's white

We were driving factory stocks, which are essentially stock late model sedans, with the interiors ripped out and roll cages installed. The track at Cajon Speedway is a 3/8 mile paved oval and our main event was 15 laps. We got a few practice laps, and then we were split into two heat races with the first three finishers of each heat qualifying for the main event.

Now I'll grant you that Cajon isn't to be confused with Talladega, and the cars aren't quite out of Hendrick Motorsports, but god damn was it awesome! These sedans have big 'ol V-8's, and they haul ass when you put your foot in 'em. Cornering in the slightly banked turns was of course the tricky part: when to brake, where to apex, and when to get on the throttle. Oh yeah, and where are the other cars? Somebody trying to get his or her nose inside? A bold move to pass you on the outside? Somebody lookin' to give you a little love tap from behind? Really it was one of the most fun, most intense things I've ever done. It could not have been more fun.

The Wifey

Number 41, going into turn 4

Checking out the green car

Sheeeit! I done perty good!

Clint August, The Ed, Rikki Rachman.

I had a decent car (#41 in the pictures) and I was outside of row two for the start of my 10-lap heat race. I was pretty much stuck there for a couple of laps, but then passed the guy inside of me going into turn one, then a lap later got inside of the third place car going into turn three and passed him. I left the pack, caught up to the first place car, but couldn't find a way around, finishing second.

Shit, I was in the main event!

Coming back to the pits and hoping out of the car, I felt like a rock star. The car owner, my wife and a track worker all came up and congratulated me on doing well. I'd done it - I drove and finished in my first car race!

So now I was all pumped to get ready for the main event, when I was informed that my car had developed a radiator leak. There weren't any extra cars, and I was thinking that I wasn't going to get in the main. But then driver the car that finished third in the second heat (last actually, only three cars finished that heat) was pulled out and I was put in it. It was a late model Caddie painted to look just like Bobby Labonte's Winston Cup car, and boy was this thing different than what I had driven before. First, it had no power steering, and it had a steel mesh windshield that I just couldn't see out of. So I had no laps in the car at all, and there I was on the outside of row one. We ran five laps, and then they stopped us, inverted the field, and we ran a 10 lap shootout to the checkered flag.

Oh man did I get smoked for those five laps. I had a hard time getting a handle on this thing, and everybody blew past me. I finished DFL, and was bummed out thinking that I had a dog of a car going into the final. We had about fifteen minutes to go before the restart, and I just sat in the car thinking about how to drive it. I knew it had tons of grunt, so my plan was to get a great start (outside of row one) and just manhandle the fucker in the corners.

We had three warm-up laps before they dropped the green and I nailed the start - I had a jump and I passed the inside car to take the lead coming out of turn two. I was leading the main! I put the hammer down and really flung that fucker into the corners, and lead the next eight laps. But the guy who had also one the main, Clint from the 91-X fm morning show, finally caught me going into turn three and got by me. I hung on to his tail for the next lap, but his car seemed to handle a bit better and he won, with me second and Rikki Rachman (MTV's Headbanger's Ball, 97.1 KLSX) finishing third.

It was an incredible experience and I was very stoked to see that I could actually do it (deep down I knew I could. Hell, all those hours spent watching had to be worth something!). I must have been decent because the owner of the 18 car asked me if I wanted to drive it in their regular event in two weeks. I believe I'll be there.

04/29/2003