Jackass

So the Volvo gets under way today and among the many questions to be answered is this one: How long before the boys on the Nautor boat throw Dee Smith overboard? Some of you may have read how Philippe Kahn kicked Smith off of his Farr 40 in the middle of the SORC. Kahn did a nice job not saying what anybody who has ever sailed with Smith would say: That being despite his obvious talent you couldn't find a bigger a-hole on the planet to sail with. His world class ability is matched only by his world class yelling, complaining and best of all for those under him on a boat, berating.

I had a lovely encounter with him a number of years ago where he wanted to start a fight in the parking lot over virtually nothing. He was getting his hat handed to him at the regatta (One Tons at LBYC, I believe) and he was just a surly, argumentative ass. Of course there was no fight from him, just a lot of jaw jacking. And we also know others who say that the guy is completely unbearable on board. A very good sailor that we know said that he would never again sail on a boat that Smith was on.

Everybody knows guys who turn into screaming tension biscuits once battle begins, but by ALL accounts, Smith takes it to the highest level. Of course, we all know that sort of behavior is symptomatic of some psychological disorder, but I digress.

So instead of odds about who will win the race (does anybody think it won't be Kostecki?), how about we bet on these odds?

What the Crew of Nautor Will Do to Smith:

  • Punch his lights out: 5 to1
  • Ask him repeatedly if Dee is short for DeeAnne: 4 to 1
  • Tie him up in his sleeping bag: 2 to1
  • Paint "I AM A BALD ASSHOLE" on his head: 6 to1
  • Piss in his coffee: even
  • Piss in his boots: even
  • Chuck him over the side: 10 to1
  • Give him to the chicks after the first leg: 12 to1
  • Tell him there's a call from Cayard about wanting Smith to sail the AC, and then leave without him: 5 to 1
  • Tie him up at the Equator, completely shave him, and use him for their sexual gratification: 9 to 1
  • Tell him to shut the fuck up about 7,549 times: 1:10

September 23, 2001