Colt 45 Cup

We had no idea that this event was being held, because if we had, for sure I'd have run over to get some of the "flava". The following story is gritty, and not recommended for those who burn easily. -Ed.

Oakland, Ca - Proving that the world of yachting is not a "whites only" club, urban rapper Snoop Dog bested fellow black artist Ice Cube, 1-0 in an abbreviated "all black" version of the Moet Cup, The Colt 45 Cup.

Held in Oakland (known as Oaktown by the locals) across the Bay at the same time as the Moet Cup, but receiving very little media attention, the event was held in what where believed to be stolen IACC boats from the near-defunct San Francisco IACC fleet. When asked for comment, Race organizer Dr. Dre said simply, "Fuck you, who gonna try to take 'em back? You? Hahahahaha!!"

Dre, when asked about this very non-traditional affair commented, "Iif those cracker motherfuckers in Frisco can do this, so can the brothers." Showing little regard for either Larry Ellison of Oracale/BMW, ("Punk ass bitch"), or Ernesto Bertarelli from Alinghi ("A faggot"), Dre promised to "fuck up the sport with niggas, just like we done everything else."

The series, originally scheduled for five days of racing and sponsored by one of Oaktown's biggest importers, (and also one of the leading contributors to the high crime, unemployment, rape and general social malaise of the area), Colt 45, had to be shortened to one race, due to what appeared to be a gang-related incident.

Snoop's Team "G's Up, Ho's Down", claimed an inside overlap at the first leeward mark, and the aftergurad on Cube's "Fuck Tha Police" team (Yella, 50 Cent and Chingy) vehemently disagreed, and a curse-laden, argument ensued. Snoop, although barely visible due to the enormous cloud of what appeared to be marijuana smoke emanating from his boat, brandished a gun and pointed it at competitor Cube. Said winner Snoop, "I had my flow on, for rizzle dizzle. Pullin' my gat and pointin' it at they heads at that first leeward mark was the shiznit, y'all. Who gonna argue with dat shit?"

In what appeared to be a bevy of bullets fired from the back of "Fuck Tha Police", aimed at Snoop, both teams scrambled to complete the mark rounding with apparently no injuries. "Nigga's was goin' crazy, said Bow Wow, tactitan for Snoop. "Dat shit puts a whole new meaning on the term 'Calling Shots, know what I'm sayin'"?

Snoop, with a sizable lead on the following beat, turned to the wheel over to guest helmsman P. Diddy, while he received what appeared to be oral sex from one of his scantily clad "bitches." Said Snoop later, "That's why we's 'G's Up, Ho's Down." Nigga gotta get a nut."

Back at the Oakland Yacht Club, violence again erupted between the rival camps. Shots were fired, a number of windows were broken and the Oakland Swat Unit responded with tear gas and riot gear.

An apparently inebriated Dre after the scene was cleared, recited lyrics from his hit (with 2-Pac Shakur, California Love), "It's all good, from Diego to tha Bay. Your city is tha bomb if your city makin pay. Throw up a finger if ya feel the same way. Dre puttin' it down for Californ - i - a."

There was no word if there will be a Colt 45 Cup in 2004.

Note: The above was parody.But I think you already knew that.

09/23/03