Gonzo Vallarta
The last time I sailed into Paradise Village Marina in Nuevo Vallarta, Mexico, I was the pirate captain of a hundred year-old, hundred foot schooner. Ranger was like me in many ways – she looked great, but was rotten to the core; when you neglected her, she would hurt you badly; and she was wonderful at getting women to take their clothes off. I was single then, and horribly misogynistic (like any good pirate). My crew of sail trainees reflected this; it included four girls under 22 (3 who looked great in bikinis) and a psychotic Aussie square-rig sailor as well as a few good friends. We would spend almost a month in the Marina. While the crew was scarfing together a broken foremast and ensuring that the mainmast wasn’t going to be the next thing to go, I ran back and forth between Puerto Vallarta and Guadalajara, searching for parts and machine shops that could create all the bizarre bits that an old girl needsto make her safe to take to sea. The crew worked their asses off during the day, and each night I rewarded them with a bottle of tequila and a huge spliff. We’d walk over to the attached resort’s big pool to wash off the nastiness, and once every three or four days, the guards would kick us out of the pool area for pissing off some obnoxious American or Canadian whose holiday we had somehow ruined. They always let us back in – either the staff enjoyed our antics or they enjoyed the fact that a couple of our hotties had a habit of losing their tops on the water slide. Ranger left Nuevo Vallarta bound for Panama, and her wake was littered with broken hearts, stems and seeds, used condoms and hospital-bound spring breakers. That’s why it was so incredibly surreal to arrive here, 7 years later, at the exact same spot where I caused so much havoc – this time with a car, a wife, a dog, and two regattas to race. The hotel we’re staying in was nothing but a vacant lot then, and the spot where Ranger’s rig laid on saw horses is now our pool and a shuffleboard court. Plenty of things are the same, though: The Marina is extremely well-run by Dick Marky and his beautiful Mexican wife; you can set your watch to the afternoon sea breeze; and Nuevo Vallarta is still full of the kind of obnoxious, overweight, holidaymaking turd who wants to tell all his friends he went to Mexico, but doesn’t actually want to experience a foreign country. I’ve found the same atmosphere in some other places; Torremolinos, Cozumel, and Disney World spring to mind.
2007 Mexican J/24 National Championship By now, you already know that Mer and I came here to race two regattas – last weekend we sailed the J/24 Mexican Nationals and next week we’ll race Worlds on the same bay. Before leaving the states, I had spoken to a few of the Mexican J/24 folks, and I’d been anticipating some seriously good times. Anyone who’s spent any real time in Mexico knows that nobody throws parties like Mexicanos, and after fighting for more than three years to get the Worlds here, I am confident that they’re going to do it right. Leopaldo “Polo” Farias, Fleet Captain of the largest J/24 fleet in the world (at Valle Bravo near Mexico City) has talked some real smack, and I don’t think he likes to be embarrassed…Vamos a ver, Polito, Vamos a ver (We’ll be putting up an innerview with Polo on Monday). For most teams, Nationals was a tune-up for the main event, which starts on the 5th. For myself and my honey, it was more; Saturday was the first time either of us set foot on one of these little pain boxes. We practiced for about an hour before the start, and while we would have liked to learn more about the little shitters, we spent most of our time trying to get our charter boat in sailing shape. Some charters are spotless and beautiful – ours…not so much. Our French owner has a fast boat, but there are certainly a few issues. For instance, cutting boards don’t necessarily make the best backing plates for highly loaded Genoa winches – and unfortunately this fact meant that we’d have to do all of our tacking with one winch (I didn’t even do any gorilla grinding – just the usual – honest!) Even if our charter boat had been perfect, it wouldn’t have changed the fact that J/24’s are pretty crappy little things. When the Johnstones conceived of them they were almost revolutionary, but time has passed the J/24 by. It’s truly a shit boat – slow, ugly, and incredibly user-unfriendly. People complain about the hiking on a Melges 24, but compared to a J/24, the Melges is like lounging on a sofa. The lifelines are at the least efficient height possible, the cabin top is at the worst angle possible, and working in the cockpit requires both masochism and a good sense of humor. The keel is short and stumpy, and the hull rolls around like a fat chick on a waterbed. People don’t race J/24’s because of their speed though – they race them because there are over 8000 of the ugly little piggies out there – and despite all of the inadequacies of the design, we enjoyed the hell out of racing against 43 other boats. The racing itself was mellow – on both days the RC set looooong lines, presumably so that nobody crunched their fiberglass before the Worlds – but we had good wind, typical Banderas Bay conditions, and learned plenty about the J/24 and about our new teammates. The Race Committee was lazy – the lines were skewed and there needed to be a lot more mark re-setting than there was, but all 44 teams knew that this was just a run-up to the big event and there wasn’t too much drama. Ventura sailor Ryan Cox won the Nationals, with current World Champion Bruschetta (BRA 37) taking the third spot. Team Aussie Millions/Rudy Project/Sailing Anarchy sailed to a dismal 33rd, but we accomplished our goal, which was to get to know each other and to get Asterix in shape for the Worlds. Our fun Newport pal Will Welles ended up in sixth after being at the front of the fleet on Saturday…maybe y’all shouldn’t have taken that long ride in the Sailing Anarchy wagon on Saturday Night ? Hopefully Saturday night was a sign of things to come – Vallarta Yacht Club and UBS sponsored a sweet party, the likes of which I haven’t seen in the states. They rented out the whole DiSantos club in downtown PV (another sponsor), with an open bar and nice little hors d’oeuvres for all competitors. We left pretty early, and we practiced our Mexican Taxi technique by fitting 8 sailors in a compact SUV – with the grommets packed in back. Fortunately we didn’t run out of gas again.
2007 J/24 Worlds – Preview Of all the regattas in the world, there may not have been a better choice for a Sailing Anarchy entrant than the 2007 UBS J/24 World Championship. Other than a handful of really hardcore nutters, the talk around this regatta is not the racing itself – it’s the parties. Polo and Peter Wiegart and the rest of the bunch have gone to great lengths to line up a lot of sponsor Pesos for the event, and the parties start up tonight and don’t stop until the boats have packed up and left. The organizers have a clear goal: This World Championship should set the bar for all future Worlds to come. We’re here to tell you about every detail, and if it’s as good as we’re told it will be, you should all take note for your own events. The venue itself is just perfect, although I may be a bit partial because I’ve had some great times on the Bahia de Banderas (Bay of Flags). We’re virtually guaranteed to be sailing with breaching whales and playful dolphins, we’ve got a clockwork seabreeze that doesn’t fill in until after noon, and we’re minutes away from one of the most intense party towns in the Northern Hemisphere. It’s also spring break now, so every trip to the Malecon in PV means you’re surrounded by hundreds of college-age girls. The spring break timing is necessary, because the J/24 class is a total sausage-fest. Maybe it’s not this way in the states, but I’ve definitely noticed that there are WAY too many guys in the class. According to our Aussie driver, it’s no better here than in Oz, so what gives? While there may not be enough girls here for my taste, there is certainly a shit-ton of talent. The current World Champs from Brazil are sailing, as is Canadian Rossi Milev, who just beat them in Rochester at NA’s this fall. Americans Chris Snow, Mike Ingham, and a big handful of top competitors from Peru, Argentina, Japan, Great Britain and Uruguay are also here, and they are a pretty serious bunch, although I’ll be stunned if these guys start enforcing team curfews, especially not with a 1:00 pm warning every day. The first law enforcement problem has already occurred, as my lovely bride was pinched for running a red light while in search of padeyes to tie down the outboard. Hopefully the Policia will stay the fuck away from us this week, but I’m not that optimistic. Of special note to Anarchists is the GlobalStar set-up for the event: Every boat competing will have a “white box” transmitting our positions every two minutes or so from the race course. As far as I know, this is the first inshore regatta to have real-time positioning, available live on the internet – and considering that Sailing Anarchy is always in the lead when it comes to on-the-water action, Global Star is excited to give all of you cubicle dwellers something fun to watch all week. Check out the link – it is VERY cool, and if they make it work like they’ve said, it will be an absolute blast to watch on-line. The system will also be an incredible aid to the teams, who will be able to download each race and see where they went right, and where they didn’t. Keep an eye on our team, bow 20, Asterix- hopefully we won’t disappoint you. Our goal is to be in the top third, and we are working hard to get there. Send us your good energy, maybe it’ll help. Really special thanks to Mike Danielson, owner of North Sails Puerto Vallarta – Mike is a total star and has already helped us out loads. Mike, his wife Leah, and their adorable son Merrick are watching our big dopey dog while we compete. Also, a huge thanks to Travis and Roy from J/World Puerto Vallarta. They run a great little school down here, with J/80’s and some cruising boats, and are cool mofos, working in paradise. We went to listen to Travis play the guitar at an Irish Pub nearby (yup, in Mexico) and he rocked the place down. We spoke to a handful of J/World students and they all loved the course and the venue. Check ‘em out if you want to improve your racing or cruising, it’s pretty much always around 80 degrees and hard to find a better spot to go sailing. Be sure to check in on Monday, when we get to see how we stack up against the best J/24 sailors in the world. It’s gonna be a riot. |
