You have to admire English sailor Tony Bullimore. He has a tendency to flip boats, his gear is always breaking, and he is sixty-eight years old and, um, how do I say this nicely, fat.

“Crikey, this is a lot harder than two-fisting pints…”

You’d think all that would qualify him for a permanent stool at the corner of the bar. But no, quite the opposite. Bullimore is currently on standby in Hobart, Tasmania, with his 102-foot catamaran. Doha 2006 (more famously known as Enza, though extended and much-modified), waiting for the right Southern Ocean winds to launch a non-stop circumnavigation record attempt. Solo. No one else to crank the winches. No one to keep a hand on the sheet as he makes his endless cups of tea. His target? The 71 day record currently held by the sailing goddess otherwise known as Dame Ellen. Okay, we all know that Tony the Tiger doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of besting Ellen, much less getting around in one piece. But his upside-down Hobart/Hobart route—which is the same distance sailed by those who start at Ushant—is a nice wrinkle. Here’s what it looks like:

So is this route inherently slower or faster than the normal Ushant/Ushant route? It involves fewer miles in the Atlantic and more miles in the Southern Ocean, so maybe old Tony is onto something. But that Azores loop (required to get the distance necessary for WSSRC sanction looks pretty dubious. Have at it, Anarchist analysts. All I know for sure, though, is that something wacky will happen after he sets sail (possibly involving maritime rescue services). Whatever it is, I hope Bullimore survives it all. He’s a great old-school character (even if the world likes to laugh at him), he obviously loves nothing more than preposterous sailing projects, and he will have a lot of great stories to tell once he finally sits down on that corner barstool. And if you want serious, cutting-edge solo-circ attempts, you just have to wait until next winter. That’s when supersailor Frances Joyon and Thomas Coville will both be gunning for Ellen’s record in big new trimarans. Oh mama….

And for those of you who prefer your cat sailing inshore, check out this video classic.

Have A Wetass Weekend,

Tim